Overwhelmed by His Love

My heart, at this moment, is full of wonder and amazement of God's love. I do not understand it, but oh, how thankful I am that he chooses to pour out his perfect love upon us. Who is this God that we serve that he would send his one and only precious and beautiful son to rescue us? Who is he that gives us the cold and barren Winter and the stifling heat of Summer, knowing that this will increase our appreciation in the warmth and newness of Spring beauty and the cool breeze and blazing colors of Autumn?

I see before me the beauty he has created, and I wonder how much more has he waiting for us in eternity? What beauty is there that we can not even dream of it? Here, I listen to the melodic sounds of the singing birds, the rustling tree leaves and the sweet sound of children's laughter. What will be eternity's opus? Here, as the wind is blowing, I close my eyes and feel its cool excitment on my face and smell the fragrance of the coming spring air. How much sweeter will be the fragrance of heaven? Here, I see the flowers which were soundly slumbering in the cold, harsh winter ground beginning to emerge, ready to proclaim the beauty and splendor of their creator. How will we ever be able to proclaim the magnitude of his beauty?

Oh, why have you chosen to be kind to me? I am truly amazed and forever grateful. These are such silly words for they can never truly proclaim what is in my heart. How I wish and pray that all might know this kind of love. It is a love that can never be measured; infinite and eternal.

Something to Think About

One of my most favorite bands is Casting Crowns. Their music and lyrics are awesome. Recently, I heard one of their newest songs, "Slow Fade". I loved it from the minute I heard it. I was messing around on God Tube and came across this video. It really hit close to home, and the truth that it speaks is so piercing. How true it is that we never just wake up one day and decide to commit some "huge" sin, but it is the "slow fade" as we bit by bit choose to give into temptation. When we do this, we never think about what lies down the road, or we convince ourselves that we will only go so far. The next thing we know, we're not standing on the edge of the bank anymore. We stick our toes into the water and it feels so good we go in a little further and a little further. Before we realize it, we're in up to our necks and the water has turned to quicksand.

Who Am I That You Are Mindful Of Me?

The last week has been quite an eventful one for me and for many others in my church body. A little over a week ago, our church along with some other churches we are related to in Sovereign Grace Ministries, met up in Gainesville, FL for something we call "Celebration". It is simply a time for us to come together for teaching, prayer, worship, and seeking the Lord. This was not my first Celebration, but it was the first one with our new church body and I was excited in anticipation for what God might do in our church corporately as well as what he might reveal to me. I was excited to see friends from other churches I have not seen in quite a while, and I was hopeful and expectant for whatever God had in store.

Looking back at some notes I had written a few days before the conference, I saw one of the things I was hoping for was to receive spiritual gifts. I did not really specify which ones, but prophecy was one I have always desired. After I wrote that, I forgot about it until I read it again yesterday. The reason I mention this is because God did some amazing things in me that weekend. I received from the Lord in a very powerful way.

Although I received from the Lord, what I received was not exactly what would have been my first choice. The cool thing about this is that I was able to use this gift from the Holy Spirit while we were at Celebration and also a few days after we returned from FL. It was an awesome display of God's power. It built my faith and ecouraged me, and I hope it did the same for others. Another thing it did was to show me that God knows exactly how he can use us, and that is very cool. I am very thankful that God would choose to bless me by bestowing gifts upon me. I know that he does not need me in way to accomplish his purpose and his will. He is all he needs to do that, but he chose to show me his glory by allowing me to take part in something magnificent.

Here's the struggle I am having with what He has done in me. I am excited at what God has done, and I think it's ok to be excited about receiving a gift; just like I want my kids to enjoy the gifts that I give to them. The thing is, I am so very aware of the pride and arrogance that lurks in my heart. I am afraid that my exictement could turn into pride. I have often desired gifts from God and then said, "I am so full of pride, I would rather not be used." I know that He is working in my heart and bringing closer to humility each day, but I am afraid of my pride. I am afraid of what it might lead to.

Since this new gift has been given, I have daily been praying and seeking the Lord even more fervently, asking him to reveal sin and not to let me walk in pride. My heart was so convicted today when He showed me where some of that pride is hding. It was unrelated to how He has used me, but nevertheless, He was faithful to show me where I am not walking in humility. Seeing this really caused such broken-heartedenss in me. I was so burdened by what I saw that I forgot to look to Christ and his redemption. Thankfully, as I unloaded what was on my heart to my husband tonight, he was so faithful to lead me to the cross. He reminded me that the very thing I am afraid of and have been praying about is what God is showing me so that I can repent and be free.

As He continues to work in my heart and change me, I see that it is good to enjoy what he gives. It is good to desire to be used by him. I pray this will cause a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. I pray that my heart will continually be drawn to Christ alone. I pray that I will never to be more impressed with myself or the gifts He gives; that I would only ever be in complete awe of who He is and that He could ever choose to love me. I pray that my only focus would remain to bring him glory.

God's Soveriegnty and Our Responsibility

This was an email I sent out earlier today, so I thought I would post it in hope that others might read it.

I don’t know who sent this link to me, but it’s worth reading. It’s a good reminder of where our perspective should be. That said though, I would like to put a challenge out to each of us to fast and pray over the next couple of weeks for our country.

Our nation has been on a moral decline for years and years. Complaining will solve nothing. We need to pray and humble ourselves before the Lord. The outcome of this election and the direction that our nation takes is all in His hands, but His word commands us to pray. We do this not for our comfort, but for His will to be done, whatever that might be.

On Election Day, we will have the opportunity and responsibility to cast our vote, and each of us needs to follow our convictions. (As a side note, those of us who have the freedom to vote and choose not to, should consider this before we complain about the state of our nation and who is in power.) As believers, will we vote with the convictions of our bank account, or will we consider the sanctity of human life, the ability to freely worship Christ, and the freedom to speak biblical truth without persecution as infinitely more valuable?

This is what it says in Psalm 78:29-31:

And they ate and were well filled, for he gave them what they craved. But before they had satisfied their craving, while the food was still in their mouths, the anger of God rose against them, and he killed the strongest of them and laid low the young men of Israel.

What are we craving for?

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2008/3347_Let_Christians_Vote_As_Though_They_Were_Not_Voting/

What Were You Doing On September 29, 1989?

Yesterday, my husband, Todd and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. Sometimes, it seems like it really was just yesterday that we got married. I can still vividly remember that day....

Friday, September 29, 1989; it was a beautiful autumn day in Buffalo, NY. The weather was perfect; just the right temperature and the sun was shining. My family was up from Florida for the big day. My dad wouldn't have anyone stay at a hotel, so we had a full house. We were so packed, I actually slept on the floor in our family room the night before the nuptials. I'm not complaining. I was so happy to have my grandparents and aunt and uncle there, and so excited about the next day. Where I slept didn't matter one bit.

Anyway, on with the story. After a leisurely breakfast and visiting with my family, my aunt took me to Victoria's Secret to pick out something special to wear that evening (if you know what I mean). By the time we arrived back at home, it was time to get ready. All the girls and the photographer arrived and we took so many pictures, my face hurt before I left the house. When the limo arrived, my dad, my bride's maids, and I took a short ride down to the end of our street to Church of the Advent. (It's an Episcopal church, basically a toned down Catholic church.)

OK, the wedding. At the time, Todd's uncle was an ordained Lutheran minister, and the priest ("Father" Fred) who officiated allowed him to participate. Well, I laughed the entire time, (because that's what I do when I'm nervous), Todd was white and shaking (because that's what he does when he's nervous), my maid of honor, Kelly, cried (loudly), and one of my other bride's maids almost passed out because she hadn't eaten and had some wine at my house before we left and the ceremony was FOREVER. So, we finally got to the end and begin to walk down the aisle when the garter that my best friend's (Racquel) mother made for me slid off my leg and I had to stop half way down so I could take it off.

After a half a million more pictures, we were off to the reception to take MORE pictures and say hello to a HUGE amount of Italian people and a few of Todd's relatives. We had a great time, but there are some memories that continue to stick with me to this day. Let's see, OK, there was this guy that I worked with who asked if he could play his harmonica. I said, sure, and he played and played and played. We had to make him stop. The video guy apparently thought I wanted a half hour of this on the video. What else? The husband of a girl I worked with was there in his denim jeans and wallet on a chain. He REALLY liked Bob Seger; he even had a special little dance he performed. On the way to the reception, (don't ask me why) I decided we should go through the McDonald's drive through. While we were waiting, my maid of honor and I jumped out of the limo and started dancing in the parking lot because we liked the song that was playing in the car behind us. When we cut the cake and prepared to "feed" each other, Todd was, well I don't know what he was doing, but he was not doing what I wanted him to do. So, being the sweet, respectful woman I was (not), I told him (and this is on video), "Shut up and eat the *** **** cake!" Wow! Can you believe we've made it this long???

The Bubble Just Keeps Getting Bigger!

I continue to be in awe of God's amazing grace in my life. He has given me so much joy; I can not even describe it. Although it has only been three short weeks since my world was rocked, it feels as though so much more time has passed. What do I mean by that? Well, we have many struggles in life, especially as believers. Some are big and some are small. Some hurt in huge ways, and others, though not as painful are still difficult to walk through. Usually, the bigger the struggle, the more painful it is. This, much of the time, can mean a long, hard road ahead.

My current struggle is one I have been acquainted with in the past. So, when I was blind-sided with this again, I was very aware of what I might encounter on the road ahead. Knowing myself, my sin, and how I have reacted in the past, I was afraid. I thought that this would be another long, hard journey. The amazing thing is that since my last experience of this kind, God has grown me so much more than I was ever aware. There was no need for me to fear myslef. Though I still struggle with pride and self-sufficiency, I see now, where over the years, he has taught me humility, self-denial for his sake, obedience to him, to be weak so that he can show himself strong in me, more of the glories of the cross. All of this, I now see being displayed in my life and in my worship of him.

Please don't hear pride in this. This is COMPLETELY the work of the Holy Spirit in me. In my flesh, I could never even begin to imagine truly living this out. Psalm 84:5-7 says, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca (tears) they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion." This is astounding to me! I can not believe how much God loves me. I can not believe that he would call me to be his child when I am so undeserving of this, and that he would also choose to bless me with such grace, joy, peace, strenth, and protection. Listen to what Paul says in Romans 8:16-17, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Do I deserve this kind of love? No way! But, this is the extravagent love that he lavishes upon his beloved.

The Grace Bubble

I have been pondering my heart and seeking the Lord in regard to my so-called suffering. I refer to it as "so-called" because while I have been feeling the weight of another's sin against me, I have also been so very blessed by God in his mercy and kindness during this time. While I was speaking with a very dear friend of mine about my feelings of apathy toward this person and my lack of anger, she so wisely reminded me of God's grace. She lovingly referred to the place I am at as "the grace bubble." In Philippians 4:7, Paul refers to it as, "the peace of God which surpasses all understanding."

I had this odd image the other day of standing inside a snow globe with everything swirling out of control all around me, but I was not being affected by any of it. I was the figure inside stuck to the bottom; not toppling over in the chaos. The only word I could think of was peace, which in fact is true. But, this term, "grace bubble" is such a great picture of what it looks like when you are in the peace of God which surpasses all understanding. It is the cushion between you and your circumstances. It is what allows you to freely and whole-heartedly worship God without reservation, even though you may be uncertain as to the outcome of your situation. It is what allows you to completely trust God through every trial, big or small.

I will end with the lyrics to a song by Scott Krippayne. It has been a favorite of mine for many years.

All who sail the sea of faith find out before too long how quickly blue skies can grow dark and gentle winds grow strong. Suddenly fear is like white water pounding on the soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control.

Sometimes He calms the storm with a whisper peace be still. He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child.

He has a reason for each trial that we pass through in life. And though we're shaken we cannot be pulled apart from Christ. No matter how the driving rain beats down, on those who hold to faith, a heart of trust will always be a quiet peaceful place.