Something to Think About

One of my most favorite bands is Casting Crowns. Their music and lyrics are awesome. Recently, I heard one of their newest songs, "Slow Fade". I loved it from the minute I heard it. I was messing around on God Tube and came across this video. It really hit close to home, and the truth that it speaks is so piercing. How true it is that we never just wake up one day and decide to commit some "huge" sin, but it is the "slow fade" as we bit by bit choose to give into temptation. When we do this, we never think about what lies down the road, or we convince ourselves that we will only go so far. The next thing we know, we're not standing on the edge of the bank anymore. We stick our toes into the water and it feels so good we go in a little further and a little further. Before we realize it, we're in up to our necks and the water has turned to quicksand.

Who Am I That You Are Mindful Of Me?

The last week has been quite an eventful one for me and for many others in my church body. A little over a week ago, our church along with some other churches we are related to in Sovereign Grace Ministries, met up in Gainesville, FL for something we call "Celebration". It is simply a time for us to come together for teaching, prayer, worship, and seeking the Lord. This was not my first Celebration, but it was the first one with our new church body and I was excited in anticipation for what God might do in our church corporately as well as what he might reveal to me. I was excited to see friends from other churches I have not seen in quite a while, and I was hopeful and expectant for whatever God had in store.

Looking back at some notes I had written a few days before the conference, I saw one of the things I was hoping for was to receive spiritual gifts. I did not really specify which ones, but prophecy was one I have always desired. After I wrote that, I forgot about it until I read it again yesterday. The reason I mention this is because God did some amazing things in me that weekend. I received from the Lord in a very powerful way.

Although I received from the Lord, what I received was not exactly what would have been my first choice. The cool thing about this is that I was able to use this gift from the Holy Spirit while we were at Celebration and also a few days after we returned from FL. It was an awesome display of God's power. It built my faith and ecouraged me, and I hope it did the same for others. Another thing it did was to show me that God knows exactly how he can use us, and that is very cool. I am very thankful that God would choose to bless me by bestowing gifts upon me. I know that he does not need me in way to accomplish his purpose and his will. He is all he needs to do that, but he chose to show me his glory by allowing me to take part in something magnificent.

Here's the struggle I am having with what He has done in me. I am excited at what God has done, and I think it's ok to be excited about receiving a gift; just like I want my kids to enjoy the gifts that I give to them. The thing is, I am so very aware of the pride and arrogance that lurks in my heart. I am afraid that my exictement could turn into pride. I have often desired gifts from God and then said, "I am so full of pride, I would rather not be used." I know that He is working in my heart and bringing closer to humility each day, but I am afraid of my pride. I am afraid of what it might lead to.

Since this new gift has been given, I have daily been praying and seeking the Lord even more fervently, asking him to reveal sin and not to let me walk in pride. My heart was so convicted today when He showed me where some of that pride is hding. It was unrelated to how He has used me, but nevertheless, He was faithful to show me where I am not walking in humility. Seeing this really caused such broken-heartedenss in me. I was so burdened by what I saw that I forgot to look to Christ and his redemption. Thankfully, as I unloaded what was on my heart to my husband tonight, he was so faithful to lead me to the cross. He reminded me that the very thing I am afraid of and have been praying about is what God is showing me so that I can repent and be free.

As He continues to work in my heart and change me, I see that it is good to enjoy what he gives. It is good to desire to be used by him. I pray this will cause a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. I pray that my heart will continually be drawn to Christ alone. I pray that I will never to be more impressed with myself or the gifts He gives; that I would only ever be in complete awe of who He is and that He could ever choose to love me. I pray that my only focus would remain to bring him glory.

God's Soveriegnty and Our Responsibility

This was an email I sent out earlier today, so I thought I would post it in hope that others might read it.

I don’t know who sent this link to me, but it’s worth reading. It’s a good reminder of where our perspective should be. That said though, I would like to put a challenge out to each of us to fast and pray over the next couple of weeks for our country.

Our nation has been on a moral decline for years and years. Complaining will solve nothing. We need to pray and humble ourselves before the Lord. The outcome of this election and the direction that our nation takes is all in His hands, but His word commands us to pray. We do this not for our comfort, but for His will to be done, whatever that might be.

On Election Day, we will have the opportunity and responsibility to cast our vote, and each of us needs to follow our convictions. (As a side note, those of us who have the freedom to vote and choose not to, should consider this before we complain about the state of our nation and who is in power.) As believers, will we vote with the convictions of our bank account, or will we consider the sanctity of human life, the ability to freely worship Christ, and the freedom to speak biblical truth without persecution as infinitely more valuable?

This is what it says in Psalm 78:29-31:

And they ate and were well filled, for he gave them what they craved. But before they had satisfied their craving, while the food was still in their mouths, the anger of God rose against them, and he killed the strongest of them and laid low the young men of Israel.

What are we craving for?

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2008/3347_Let_Christians_Vote_As_Though_They_Were_Not_Voting/

What Were You Doing On September 29, 1989?

Yesterday, my husband, Todd and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. Sometimes, it seems like it really was just yesterday that we got married. I can still vividly remember that day....

Friday, September 29, 1989; it was a beautiful autumn day in Buffalo, NY. The weather was perfect; just the right temperature and the sun was shining. My family was up from Florida for the big day. My dad wouldn't have anyone stay at a hotel, so we had a full house. We were so packed, I actually slept on the floor in our family room the night before the nuptials. I'm not complaining. I was so happy to have my grandparents and aunt and uncle there, and so excited about the next day. Where I slept didn't matter one bit.

Anyway, on with the story. After a leisurely breakfast and visiting with my family, my aunt took me to Victoria's Secret to pick out something special to wear that evening (if you know what I mean). By the time we arrived back at home, it was time to get ready. All the girls and the photographer arrived and we took so many pictures, my face hurt before I left the house. When the limo arrived, my dad, my bride's maids, and I took a short ride down to the end of our street to Church of the Advent. (It's an Episcopal church, basically a toned down Catholic church.)

OK, the wedding. At the time, Todd's uncle was an ordained Lutheran minister, and the priest ("Father" Fred) who officiated allowed him to participate. Well, I laughed the entire time, (because that's what I do when I'm nervous), Todd was white and shaking (because that's what he does when he's nervous), my maid of honor, Kelly, cried (loudly), and one of my other bride's maids almost passed out because she hadn't eaten and had some wine at my house before we left and the ceremony was FOREVER. So, we finally got to the end and begin to walk down the aisle when the garter that my best friend's (Racquel) mother made for me slid off my leg and I had to stop half way down so I could take it off.

After a half a million more pictures, we were off to the reception to take MORE pictures and say hello to a HUGE amount of Italian people and a few of Todd's relatives. We had a great time, but there are some memories that continue to stick with me to this day. Let's see, OK, there was this guy that I worked with who asked if he could play his harmonica. I said, sure, and he played and played and played. We had to make him stop. The video guy apparently thought I wanted a half hour of this on the video. What else? The husband of a girl I worked with was there in his denim jeans and wallet on a chain. He REALLY liked Bob Seger; he even had a special little dance he performed. On the way to the reception, (don't ask me why) I decided we should go through the McDonald's drive through. While we were waiting, my maid of honor and I jumped out of the limo and started dancing in the parking lot because we liked the song that was playing in the car behind us. When we cut the cake and prepared to "feed" each other, Todd was, well I don't know what he was doing, but he was not doing what I wanted him to do. So, being the sweet, respectful woman I was (not), I told him (and this is on video), "Shut up and eat the *** **** cake!" Wow! Can you believe we've made it this long???

The Bubble Just Keeps Getting Bigger!

I continue to be in awe of God's amazing grace in my life. He has given me so much joy; I can not even describe it. Although it has only been three short weeks since my world was rocked, it feels as though so much more time has passed. What do I mean by that? Well, we have many struggles in life, especially as believers. Some are big and some are small. Some hurt in huge ways, and others, though not as painful are still difficult to walk through. Usually, the bigger the struggle, the more painful it is. This, much of the time, can mean a long, hard road ahead.

My current struggle is one I have been acquainted with in the past. So, when I was blind-sided with this again, I was very aware of what I might encounter on the road ahead. Knowing myself, my sin, and how I have reacted in the past, I was afraid. I thought that this would be another long, hard journey. The amazing thing is that since my last experience of this kind, God has grown me so much more than I was ever aware. There was no need for me to fear myslef. Though I still struggle with pride and self-sufficiency, I see now, where over the years, he has taught me humility, self-denial for his sake, obedience to him, to be weak so that he can show himself strong in me, more of the glories of the cross. All of this, I now see being displayed in my life and in my worship of him.

Please don't hear pride in this. This is COMPLETELY the work of the Holy Spirit in me. In my flesh, I could never even begin to imagine truly living this out. Psalm 84:5-7 says, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca (tears) they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion." This is astounding to me! I can not believe how much God loves me. I can not believe that he would call me to be his child when I am so undeserving of this, and that he would also choose to bless me with such grace, joy, peace, strenth, and protection. Listen to what Paul says in Romans 8:16-17, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Do I deserve this kind of love? No way! But, this is the extravagent love that he lavishes upon his beloved.

The Grace Bubble

I have been pondering my heart and seeking the Lord in regard to my so-called suffering. I refer to it as "so-called" because while I have been feeling the weight of another's sin against me, I have also been so very blessed by God in his mercy and kindness during this time. While I was speaking with a very dear friend of mine about my feelings of apathy toward this person and my lack of anger, she so wisely reminded me of God's grace. She lovingly referred to the place I am at as "the grace bubble." In Philippians 4:7, Paul refers to it as, "the peace of God which surpasses all understanding."

I had this odd image the other day of standing inside a snow globe with everything swirling out of control all around me, but I was not being affected by any of it. I was the figure inside stuck to the bottom; not toppling over in the chaos. The only word I could think of was peace, which in fact is true. But, this term, "grace bubble" is such a great picture of what it looks like when you are in the peace of God which surpasses all understanding. It is the cushion between you and your circumstances. It is what allows you to freely and whole-heartedly worship God without reservation, even though you may be uncertain as to the outcome of your situation. It is what allows you to completely trust God through every trial, big or small.

I will end with the lyrics to a song by Scott Krippayne. It has been a favorite of mine for many years.

All who sail the sea of faith find out before too long how quickly blue skies can grow dark and gentle winds grow strong. Suddenly fear is like white water pounding on the soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control.

Sometimes He calms the storm with a whisper peace be still. He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child.

He has a reason for each trial that we pass through in life. And though we're shaken we cannot be pulled apart from Christ. No matter how the driving rain beats down, on those who hold to faith, a heart of trust will always be a quiet peaceful place.

Want to Take a Peek?

Today I did something a little bit scary. I shared part of my private journal with some very close friends. That may not seem like such a big deal, but if you knew what was written in it, you might understand. My journal is the place where I convey my most intimate thoughts. It is where I am not afraid to say things because the only one who reads what I write is me. (I know God sees it, too, but he knows the words before I write them down.) When I am struggling, journaling helps me to articulate what is happening in my heart and mind so that I can bring it before the Lord in prayer and hopefully gain some clarity and correction, if needed.

Normally, I would share some of these thoughts with ladies that know me well to gain their insight and for them to bring biblical truth. Sometimes, like now, I struggle with everything that I may be facing, and I don't want to share so openly. I want to be known, but not too well. I want to be vulnerable, but not laid bare. My fear of what people will think or say can override my desire for change. In my heart of hearts, though, I do want to be known, and I do want to be laid bare because I know without this there will not be spirit-driven change.

In my bible reading the other day, I came upon this verse, Proverbs 18:1-2: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." So, as I was reading and writing in my journal today, I realized that in order to have "sound judgement" I need to seek it out. I need to lay it all out there and receive whatever comes at me, whether it is correction, encouragement, or rebuke. I am afraid of what will be thought about me. I am afraid I may not like what is brought to me by my faithful friends. But, I am more afraid of the state of my soul if I don't passionately follow the conviction that God places on my heart.

Blessed are the Pure in Heart

Matthew 5:8 says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." That's a pretty sobering thought considering that I know nothing in me is pure. It has caused me to wrestle with question today about how I respond when I have been offended because of one's sin against me. Wow! Look at that...."because of one's sin against me." I'm not quite sure where I am going with this, but here I am questioning my heart's desire for purity when all of a sudden I realize I am just so concerned with me. How revolting!

If I can plagiarize from a message given by my wonderful pastor, Paul Cooke, "The heart is the inner, spiritual person that is the seat of affections, emotions, thinking, desiring, willing, and acting. God judges, searches, and pursues the heart (1 Sam. 16:7, 1 Ch. 28:9, Prov. 23:26). He investigates and pursues in order to purify our hearts. He is pleading to us that we might submit to him." Looking at this I realize my heart is so far from pure, but there is also great hope because what God promises is that he will pursue me in order to accomplish this purpose. Does this mean I have no responsibility in this process? Not at all! This quote by John Blanchard says it beautifully, "For the pure in heart, holiness is not a pastime; it is a passion. It means relentlessly seeking to bring every area of life in to conformity with God's word and will." Again, plagiarizing Paul, "Purity is a singly-devoted, unmixed, fervent heart of love for God's glory." This is my greatest desire!

Who is the Object of My Anger?

I am struggling with anger. I am trying to understand what is happening in my heart. I am in a situation where I feel anger toward a certain individual. The question I am trying to answer is this: Is any of this anger directed toward God? In all honesty, I don't believe so, but I also know the deceitfulness of my own heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Because of this truth, I truly want to see if there is any anger toward God in this situation. If there is anger toward him, then there is a lack of trust in him. If I am lacking trust in God, then who and what am I trusting in?

I suppose the reason I don't think this is God-directed is because I have hope in this situation. I believe it was necessary in order for God's will to be accomplished. I believe the promise of Romans 5:3-5, "More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that the suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given us."

So, I am struggling with anger. Is the object of all anger ultimately God, or am I being too introspective?

You Can Trust Him

The following was given to me from my pastor's wife, many years ago, when we lived in Buffalo, NY. She was in the midst of fighting breast cancer. I saved it in a folder with teachings and other writings that have encouraged me in the past. Today, something made me think of it and look for it. Every time I read it, I am amazed beyond measure at the God who loves us. I hope it causes an outpouring of love and gratitude to flow from your heart for our savior. (It's rather long, but well worth the read.)

He's the one who made us. It is He who made us and not we ourselves. The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. No means of measure can define His limitless love, and no farseeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. I'm telling you today, you can trust Him.

No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. He's enduringly strong, and He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast, and He's immortally graceful. He's empirically, powerfully, and impartially merciful. He's the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of the world. He's God's son. He's the sinner's Savior. He's the centerpiece of civilization. I'm trying to tell you, Church, you can trust Him.

He does not have to call for help, and you can't confuse Him. He doesn't need you, and He doesn't need me. He stands alone in the solitude of Himself. He's supreme. He's preeminent. He's the loftiest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem of higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of truthology. He's the cardinal necessity of the spiritual religion. He's the miracle of the age, He's the superlative of everything good that you can call Him. I'm trying to tell you, you can trust Him.

He can satisfy all your needs, and He can do it simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak, and He's available for the tempted and the tired. He sympathizes, and He sees. He guards, and He guides. He heals the sick, and He cleansed the leper. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the people. He blesses the young. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. He beautifies the meek. I'm trying to tell you, Church, you can trust Him.

He's the key to knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the path of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway to glory. You can trust Him.

He's master of the mighty. He's the capturer of conquerors. He's the head of heroes. He's the leader of legislators. He's the overseer of the overcomers. He's the Governor of governors. He's the Prince of princes. He's the King of kings. He's the Lord of lords. You can trust Him.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you. He's indescribable because He's incomprehensible. He's irresistible because He's invincible. You can't get Him off your hands. You can't keep off your mind. You can't outlive Him, and you can't live without Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him, and the witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree, and Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him, and the grave couldn't hold Him. There was nobody before Him. There'll be nobody after Him. He has no predecessor. He'll have no successor. You can't impeach Him, and He's not going to resign. You can trust Him.

He's the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. The first and the last. He's all things. He's the giver of life. He's the joy out of every sorrow. He's the light of every darkness. He's the peace that passes all understanding. He's the giver of every good and perfect gift. You can trust Him. There's no God before Him. There'll be none after Him. He is the first. He is the last. He is preeminent. There is no other God. You can trust Him. You can trust Him. You can trust Him.

Will You Praise Him?

Today, I am shuffling. My head is swimming with "what if's?" But, in my heart there is the strong beat of hope in my savior. I hope this video and song inspires you!




http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=c631b7891de37c3d2c52

Shuffling to the Savior

I'm in a hard place right now; a place I was not expecting to be, but nevertheless, here I am. The desire of my heart is to glorify God and honor him with my words and actions through this time. My flesh, on the other hand, would like to crawl into a pit of despair and wallow in self-pity and misery and to justify it.

Have you ever been in that place? You know what is right and good, but what is easier and will feel good (atleast in the short term) is to just let loose and say, "Who cares"? Well, that's right where I am at this very moment, and it's a good place to be.

You might wonder how I could say such a thing. You see, I know something; something fantastic. When I say,"Who cares", I know that God cares. He cares not only about my sin, but he cares also about my struggle with it. God is pleased with my struggle, which is why he allows times like this into my life. He cares about my pain and my suffering. He suffers with me, not because he can't stop the pain, but because he knows the pain is necessary for my growth to be more like Christ. He uses these times to mold me into who I was created to be. Knowing this doesn't stop the pain, but it gives me hope. It is in that hope I will cling to, knowing that these "momentary trials" will produce something that has worth and meaning not just here and now, but for all eternity. I may sound strong in my words. I may even have brief times of feeling strong, but this strength is not my own. It comes from the One who "holds all things together." Right now, I am running to my Savior, but tomorrow I may be shuffling. This is not what matters, though. If I do not have the strength to run, it is because he has given me enough strength to shuffle.