Want to Take a Peek?

Today I did something a little bit scary. I shared part of my private journal with some very close friends. That may not seem like such a big deal, but if you knew what was written in it, you might understand. My journal is the place where I convey my most intimate thoughts. It is where I am not afraid to say things because the only one who reads what I write is me. (I know God sees it, too, but he knows the words before I write them down.) When I am struggling, journaling helps me to articulate what is happening in my heart and mind so that I can bring it before the Lord in prayer and hopefully gain some clarity and correction, if needed.

Normally, I would share some of these thoughts with ladies that know me well to gain their insight and for them to bring biblical truth. Sometimes, like now, I struggle with everything that I may be facing, and I don't want to share so openly. I want to be known, but not too well. I want to be vulnerable, but not laid bare. My fear of what people will think or say can override my desire for change. In my heart of hearts, though, I do want to be known, and I do want to be laid bare because I know without this there will not be spirit-driven change.

In my bible reading the other day, I came upon this verse, Proverbs 18:1-2: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." So, as I was reading and writing in my journal today, I realized that in order to have "sound judgement" I need to seek it out. I need to lay it all out there and receive whatever comes at me, whether it is correction, encouragement, or rebuke. I am afraid of what will be thought about me. I am afraid I may not like what is brought to me by my faithful friends. But, I am more afraid of the state of my soul if I don't passionately follow the conviction that God places on my heart.